marley&me

i just got back from the movies... or the "cinema" as some might call it. i watched marley & me. you know, that one about the dog, with owen wilson and jennifer aniston.

the movie was pretty good all throughout, funny and cute and all that.. and then at the end it was HELLAsad. but like.. the kind of sad that makes it really good. oh my! i've never actually cried while watching a movie up until tonight. of course, i've gotten the welling-up of the eyes, and the tightness in the throat before; but at the end of this movie, i couldn't keep my cheeks dry, and i had to fight hard against my facial muscles so that I didn't actually look like i was BAWLING MY EYES OUT  ...so i'm guessing i looked like i really needed to use the bathroom.. really, really bad... or something to that effect. ANYWAY, it was just, so sad, and i cried.. which i don't do often (lololol).

(THIEVED from "NyXta" on DeviantArt)

so then after i drove kara home, i was heading back home, and i was just in one of those moods. those ones where you just stare off and think. IDK, the HELLAsadness of the movie made me do it. but it wasn't like GAHHH I'M SO DEPRESSED! it was more like... hmm, i'm thinking about a lot of things. so rather than taking the normal route home, i took a bit of a detour. 

actually, i took a BIG detour. like, adding at least an extra half hour to my what-would-be 5- to 10-minute commute.

it was really foggy. it's been foggy all day here. and it was just really pretty. the glow of the street lights and passing cars. there was just this gentle ambience about it all. it fostered perfect conditions for thinking.

so that's what i did. i thought. it's something i haven't been doing a lot of lately, what with the hustle and bustle of the holidays.. and wHatnot. i just thought about a whole bunch of things. pondering this and that. it was actually really nice. of course, i tried not to get to tangled up in my thoughts, for i still had a motorized vehicle to pay attention to, as to avoid ending up in a ditch or sommat.

it was just a really nice drive. :)

i must try to have more of these - if i can get my hands on my own car someday.

i think i will go read Twilight now (..yes. i've jumped the Twilight bandwagon... WUT), and then slumber.

g'night. :)

♥C.

PS: i hope you all had a wonderful christmas slash other holidays you may have celebrated (ie: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.)!

i'm home!!

actually i've been home since about 9 o'clock last night, but whatev.

i've actually never been so happy to be home in my life!
this past set of exams has absolutely KILLED me. but i got through them, and i'm home now :)

OMGGGGG. so, since i had my last exam yesterday (which, i may add, was my hardest one), i haven't had ANY time to work on the blog'n christmas gifts! :( i have something put together as of now, and i'm still going to pick up a few things, but it just sucks because i never really got a chance to put whole lot of thought into these gifts. and my gifts totally PALE in comparison to some of your guys'. stupid exams running until the 17th of december :\

oh well. i mean, i'm sure between everyone else's gifts that you'll be receiving, mine will fit in somewhere. :)


in other news...
.......
i can't remember the other news! AHH!
last night (at like 2.00AM) i was like... OH! i need to blog about this! and now i can't even remember what it was.
OH WELL! i don't have school right now, so whenever i think of it, i can blog it whenever i please! :D

hmm.. i may remember it later today, then post it... IDK.
(or maybe i won't remember it at all, maybe it's just a figment of my imagination... my brain is totally fried from two weeks of NONstop studying anyways...)

anyways, i must get going. i have to have these gifts ready by later today so that we can finally mail them off! eek! i'm so excited!



♥C.

tag, i'm it!

i dun gone get tagged by beckyyyy!

Rules: Answer all of the questions with a word that begins with the same latter that either your name, blogger ID, or blog name begins with.

1. What is your name: Colin

2. A 4-letter word: coin

3. A boy's name: Cedric

4. A girl's name: Courtney

5. An occupation: CIA Agent SPY

6. A colour: cyan (heck, what do i know, i'm colour blind!)

7. Something you wear: cardigan

8. A beverage: cream soda (seaman's, of course)

9. A food: choco-chip cookies! :)

10. Something found in the bathroom: comb.

11. A place: CANADA!

12. A reason for being late: car accident (minor, of course) 

13. Something you shout: CRAZY DRIVER! (at the person causing the car accident, making me late for class)

and now i taggggggggggg: kirsj.™(even though he's currently in NB), Sam, and Carrrrrole!

dear santa,

karen had the perfect idea for the holiday season of having a BLOG'N CHRISTMAS! we write five small things, and five big things that we want, and exchange gifts! and later we're having a skype/stickam love fest! :D    i can't wait!

i've been a very good boy this year. my five small things and five big things are below. i know it's a lot, but please do the best you can!

five small things:

• coins/small change from your country

• any piece of art that you made (ie: drawing/painting/doodle...) to put on my wall

• either a mix CD OR a list of songs that you recommend i check out

• a special note [preferably handwritten :)] from you to me. it can be anything from a "hi, how are you?" to a "these are a few things about me that you didn't already know!" ... anything! it's up to you :)

• any sort of otherwise useless trinket. i like trinkets, of any kind. what defines a trinket? idk.. just something you think is trinket-esque.

five big things:

• reassurance

• confidence

• acceptance

• love

• guidance

thanks, santa!

♥,C.

PS: sorry it's so late!!!!

note to self..

BLOG'N TOMORROW night

slash maybe friday

(wishlist will be posted!)

it'll be soon i promise!!!!!1

:: cuz i dun want no robocop. ur movin like a robocop. 

    when did you become a robocop? now i dun need no robocop.

♥C.

silhouette.

...whatever.

i don't even care.

(why should i?)

i just don't know.

i don't know what to do. //

(how should you?)

why must things be like this?

(so confusing, these thoughts.)

too much. too much. too much.

too much. too much.

too much.

(can we just get it over with?)

have you got it in you??!!

the question is: do i have it in ME???

maybe i'll just hide until it's all over. stealth mode for me. 

i'm quite good at that, really. 

i'll become all haggard-like. and i will live off bread crusts and whatever else i can lay my hands on.

i will remain in hiding so that they do not find me.

(for that would by my inevitable fate)

stop looking at me! you'll never find me anyway. what's the use?

trust me: i'm not worth it.

i'm merely a silhouette. 

(i'd better make that last lamp post well worth it..)

please, don't make this harder than it already is.

this is not what i planned. at all.

get me out of here.

i'll find my way back down. eventually.

whatever. there's nothing left to salvage anyway..

Goodnight! :)

♥C.

maybe i'll live in a cardboard box..

recent events have left me wondering where i'm going to be living next year...

originally, i was going to be living in a house with e&b and probably one other person. that would have been great! and fun times would have been had. i was really looking forward to it! but then, for some reason still unbeknownst to me, that plan backfired. 

disappointment and confusion ensued.

but it was ok. not all was lost. i was invited to live with the b&k couple, along with two other hets. at first, i liked the idea. i mean, i was living off campus, in a house, with friends. great! but then i got to thinking. all these people were hets - heterosexual guys at that, except for brittany. she's not a guy. but at least two of these guys are quite homophobic from what i can tell, and the other one, i'm not so sure. 

i got to thinking of how much a dilemma this would cause for me, because, to my knowledge, none of these people know i'm gay. in addition, although i come off as a pretty "straight" guy (so i've been told) i have this stupid tendency to act even more straight when i'm around straight guys. i'm not completely sure why i do this, but i think it has something to do with my fear of rejection, the fear that if they knew i was gay they wouldn't want to be around me. this is a dilemma for me because i know that if i lived with these people for the whole year, i'd never get to be myself. i'd be acting "straight colin" as i've done many a time before.

i'd never get to be myself, and i know i'd end up feeling terribly oppressed (too strong a word? idk.) i debated in my head what would be the better thing to do: just suck it up and just live with these people, and hope that it wouldn't be so bad; or apply for Governor's Hall (single-room residence for upper years), which would involve running the risk of not even getting accepted. although i flipped back and forth, i think i eventually settled on sucking it up, and living with the hets.

but then, all of a sudden the other two hets got girlfriends! just, outta nowhurr. this would now mean that in addition to the brittany&kyle, the other two would be couples as well! ... and then colin. i thought, "oh, PERFECT!" i've already seen a couple of my friends go through being single whilst living in a house with a bunch of cute couples.     = SUXXORZ.

whatever. i was still prepared to just suck it up and hope for the best..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH! of course that wouldn't work out either! because brittany decided that she was going to apply for pharmacy school (after your second year of your B.Sc. you can apply to get into pharmacy, rather than doing your four full years of your B.Sc.)! now, i'm happy for her and everything - don't get me wrong. she seemed to be really interested in it, and i'm glad she finally found something she'd like to do. but this just means that my plans backfire yet AGAIN. because if she leaves, then kyle leaves with her, and then the whole plan falls apart, because there's no way i'd just live with the other two couples well - i hardly know them!

GAHHHHH!!!

i'm just a lil frustrated is all.    and panicking because i have no idea where i'm going to live next year. i'm just wishing things would work out in my favour, for once.

so i've decided that i'm just going to live in a cardboard box: cheap, reliable, and i don't have to worry about it ditching on me.

(but what if it blows away one stormy night?)

then i'm completely effed.

oh well. i have faith that things will fall into place. it would be NICE to have a roof over my head, but if not, then that just means less expenses on top of tuition! :D

♥C.

it's been a while...

...since we've last seen each other.

i had an awesome weekend!

Evan came over and we chill'd. we listened to music, we talked about things, we reminisced, and we had a funeral.

there really isn't very much to do to keep oneself and/or one's company busy in the 'nish, but we made the most out of it and i know i had a great time.

i'm excited to go to Hali in the new year, once i'm finally 19! and we can go club'n and such. and i'll meet your awesome (artsy, NONscience) friends. and i'll get to see a side of Hali my eyes have never layed on.

and becky will come visit me in the new year also! for my birthday weekend. i'm vurry excited for that too. and maybe you'll come here next year?! =)

after the week of HELL last week, things are a little less stressful this week. i have some things coming up that are due, and that damn lab exam on saturday...    

but it'll all get done when the time comes.

ALSO. i jumped aboard the Baroness train. although i did not legitamately buy a copy of this amazing album by Sarah Slean, i enjoy every single track nonetheless. each song captivates you in one way or another, whether it's the soulful "Goodnight Trouble" or the mystical "Shadowland" with its overpowering harmonies. The Baroness truly portrays a lot of emotion with a resilient voice. 

AND! The Killers' new album, Day and Age comes out tomorrow!!! much excitement. i'm hoping that even in anti-go-nowhere, the trusty Wal-Mart will carry it on the actual date of release.

with such promising singles such as "Human" and "Spaceman", this album looks like it has shaped up to be another solid installment.

i love The Killers.

and Brandon Flowers.

and his voice.

and his...    FACE.

but i think that is all for now...

oh if only my trouble would take flight, sarah slean.

♥C.

i'm just sayin..

that i'm a little intoxicated at the moment.

it's not the first time.. don't even worry.

but.. i was supposed to go to the library this evening, and be productive, but instead i decided to go get trashed with some friends. 

at first i was like.... ok, this is a problem. you're calling me at 4.30 in the afternoon, and you're already more than half in the bag, not to mention the fact that you've been drinking since 2.30 when your chem midterm was over. but then i was like.. what the hell, i honestly don't think i would have gotten that much work done anyway...

so i went, and hesitantly had a few victory shots with them. a few turned into... many. and many turned into drinking from 4.30 until almost 2:00 in the AM. 

not constant drinking of course. what, d'you think i'm an alcoholic?

pfft! no!

we went, and frolicked in the field, and chill'd in the bleachers, and hid in underneath the bushes/trees, and generally just had a good, intoxicated time. not to mention the INSANEawesome photos that were taken in the progress of these events.

it was a really great time, and i'm really glad that i have these grass stains on my pants and hands, rather than missing out on an exciting evening analyzing the population trends of duckweed. AMEN? .. i think so.

also, i told you guys that certain little thing. i still, to this moment, cannot believe i told you. i almost did, that one time.. last year. but i didn't.

and i'm SO much more comfortable with that now, and it just sort of... came out.

in a sense.

by the way.. i would just like to point out that i am currently still drunk, and do you actually see that many typos and spelling errors?

i think not.

as i've drunkenly told a lot of you - i know - i'm an excellent typist when i'm drunk and i take a great amount of pride in that.

jokes all around.

have a good day

(while i'm hungover and regret the pouring of bad chemicalz into my body).

♥C.

who will drive my soul?

i'm guessing it's not going to be you, but that's ok

i guess.

thanks to a certain little kettle, i finally know the name and artist of this song i've been waking up to in the mornings. i lo'e it. thanks, carole. :)

midterms are FINALLY done. actually, i finished on monday, but i just figured i would announce it now. better now then never, right? ... but whatever. all i have ahead of me presently are projects, assignments, papers(actually, just one - i'm an effing science student!) and the like. shit, that formal lab report for ecology is going to be a TASK. i think i will start that tonight. it's gonna be one busy weekend. but that's not such a bad thing, i suppose. keeping oneself busy keeps oneself's thoughts distracted and off of a certain one person.

oh, i rediscovered how awesome metric is! i kinda... forgot about them. then, the other day i stumbled across them in myTunes, and listened to their albums, and was captivated once again.

emily haines makes my life complete.

when she was seven years old 

she saw a man get shot, but 

no one came for a long time because it happened in a 

remote parking lot

in las vegas and

she was

waiting for her mom to come back from workin the

black jack table at the

circus circus casino and

that night, her mom said that the two of them and the now dead guy

were the only three people who ever really lived in las vegas

everybody else

just arrived,

ate their complementary shrimp cocktail

and left.

no, i cannot write so eloquently as she can. though i certainly wish i could. but do you remember that one time, in the parking lot, with those spanish chill'uns?

doing dishes dries out my hands real bad. i think i'm going to the library tonight. yup, spending a friday evening at the library. what fun. but sometimes it's gotta be done. but hey, at least i don't have any studying to do! 

and also, i'm going to see a play tomorrow, put on by Theatre Antigonish (for those of you who don't know, Antigonish is the small, middle-of-bum-fuck-nowhere town in which the university i attend is located, affectionately called "Anti-go-nowhere," "the 'nish," and others i'm sure). it's going to be lots of fun. i can see the Theatre Antigonish building from my window - it's right across the parking lot. i've walked passed it many a time, but had just never gone to see one of the plays. but i am tomorrow, a'ight?

in the attempt of writing about something meaningful, i just sat here and typed out any random thought that popped into my brain, so i do apologize for how vapid(proper context??... whatever, i'm not an arts student) this is. 

but you did bitch at me to make a new post, so that's what i did.

i only aim to please.

lolololol

♥C.

ps: be strong. i know it's hard, but you can get through this.

i know you can. :)

six random facts about me.

oh! i've been tagged by Karen and Elyse!

what to do:

• Link the blogger who tagged you (as shown above).

• In your blog, write up rules and then...

• Place 6 quirky facts about yourself that no one knows.

• Tag six other bloggers and link them.

• Visit each person's blog and leave them a comment informing them that they have been tagged.

ok, here we go:

1. i used to be absolutely terrified of the chairs from my mom's old dining room set, and several other pieces of furniture as well (mostly chairs)

2. i hate shaving, and do as little as possible - as i'm sure some of you have noticed..

3. sometimes, when i talk, my face goes red, and wish it wouldn't. i hate it.

4. i used to like to play with barbies when i was a chillun  :\    ... FAG.

5. i don't think i've gone to bed before midnight once in probably two years.

6. i actually used to like girls when i was like.. 12. weird.

I've tagged these awesome people: Becky, Evan, Sam, Carole, Kris

ur so gay

... and you don't even like boys.

no you don't even like- no you don't even like..

no you don't even like... boys!

whatever.

i've had quite enough of 

this

i don't know what to think 

anymore

i just wish for more.

you walk around like you're something else

but you don't even notice

what i really am.

♥C.

howzin'

why must this be so difficult.

i must remind myself to write about this tomorrow.

now, i must sleep. :)

♥C.

ps: oh! i made a list..

• finish chem lab report

• edit thesis statement?

• study for chem midterm!  :\

• complain about housing situation in blog form

unearth'd myTunes!

thanks to a certain newfound aussie, i went rummaging through my library on iTunes. first, i started off with assigned task of finding my "most played" song. it turned out to be iMogen Heap's "Headlock" which surprised me a lil, but i love her so. 

i then started playing around with the arrangings of songs (you know, arranging them by play count, artist, date modified, etc.). i arranged the songs by "last played" so that the list started with songs that hadn't been months. when i did this, i found all these wonderful tracks that hadn't been fully played since like.. march or april earlier this year. i felt it was such a crime that these wonderful tunes by great artists hadn't been given a justified listening-to in such a long time. so, starting with "This Lamb Sells Condos" by Final Fantasy (last played: 3/15/2008), i went down the list, going through march, april, may,... and rediscovered all these great songs that had almost been forgotten.

i am now at "Karma Police" by Radiohead (last played: 5/13/2008).

so now i challenge you to do the same (leave a comment with the song and artist you unearth'd!). rediscover these little ditties. who knows, maybe you had linked an interesting memory to one of these songs - a memory you had temporarily misplaced at the back of your mind. [there's no hope for the village]

gimme more o' that beat.  ♫♪

♥C.

just say goodnight and go.

you've got my heart in a headlock;

why'd you have to be so cute?

you really are cute. i just think you should know that. the things you do, your motions and mannerisms. the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you smile. the way you make me smile. it can be quite irresistible at times.

it's impossible to ignore you.

everytime we cross paths, i feel a rush of adrenaline running through my veins. it's quite invigorating. i know i shouldn't feel that, i'm sure you don't. but i just can't help that. everytime you open your mouth to speak, i hear every word. you come in here and we chat, and i love it.

must you make me laugh so much?

you are really quite humourous. at times i take your jokes in a slightly different, more personal way. i do know better, honest. but sometimes i just can't help that either.

it's bad enough we get along so well...

maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if we weren't so familiar. i try to distance myself, i really do. but you make that hard sometimes.

we'd be good. we'd be great together.

no, we really wouldn't. it would never work. you're different. that makes me sad, but i know better anyway. i've accepted it. i knew it the whole time actually. but that doesn't help matters.

there's so much more i could say, but. just...

go.

thanks, imogen heap. you really help me at trying times like these. :)

p.s. sorry.... it's not open for business. ;)

♥C.

"so i haven't blogged in a while..."

someone (or more?) will get that. :)

first and foremost, i would like to apologize for how uninteresting and essentially querulous this blog is. if you wish not to read of complaining about life, i advise you to ditch, because that's where this is headed.

life frustrates me right now. things aren't so great. school is currently pissing me off. no, not school in general; i like it. but ecology, a GAY-ASS course i'm in that's so boring and i absolutely HATE it. what's more, is that the lab component for it is even worse. it's like, "hey! let's go count things until we're dead via monotony! and THEN [in afterlife of course] we'll statistically examine these data, in order to put a number to diversity, or population growth, etc....!" does that not make you throw-up a lil in your mouth? the instructors totally grease you solid on the lab assignments too. like, there's absolutely no way of getting anything above an 80 in the lab because they TRY to find something to pick out of your assignment to mark you wrong on. case and point: on the last one i got back, apparently i didn't include these "error bars" things. WHAT ON EARTH ARE THOSE?! i certainly haven't a clue! but apparently i didn't include them, and i should have. anyway, the straw to this story is the midterm i got back today in this class. i knew i didn't do as well as i'd hoped. the exam totally raped me. i figured i was in the 60's range, at worst. well, turns out, such was not the case. TRY 40%. i failed. i failed the exam. failure. it's not something i've ever become accustomed to, academically. in fact, this was the first midterm/exam i've ever failed. i felt sick to my stomach when i saw that big red 40% scrawled on the inside of the booklet. what's worse, is that the prof put up a bar graph of the ranges of the marks (he WOULD do that... effing ecology professor..) from the midterm, and noted that this had been the largest percentage of above-90 marks he'd seen in the course. i couldn't believe just how poorly i'd done, especially with a class average of 65!! that's pretty damn high. i think about it now, and i could even live with a high-40, if not a pass. but nope. 40%. EPIC FAIL.

phew. it feels a little better to get that out of the way. i'm trying not to let this bog me down too much. you couldn't tell if you saw me in person though. i hide my emotions too well :) i think i will call mama soon. she seems to make everything better. i will also choose to look at the brighter side of things: i think the midterm was only weighted at 15% of the overall mark; i can study very hard for the final exam and end up with an OK mark for the course.

i'm sorry i didn't write about anything a little more meaningful than how angry i am at life today. but, like i've said, this is my journal, so i will write what i want. :)

let's have some fun, this beat is sick. i wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

damn you, Lady GaGa. why must your beatz be so catchy.. and your lyrics so subtle..

♥c.

3AM and wide awake.

it's 3AM and i'm still awake.

i cannot sleep. i lay here, eyes closed, yet mr. sandman cannot find me. he must've gotten lost on the way and then just gave up. sleep isn't finding me anytime soon.

there's just too much on my mind - clouding up my brain. i wish this fog would dissipate. i'm supposed to write a midterm tomorrow (later today..?) so i'd like to be fully conscious for that.

the movie se7en is on. you know, the one with the serial killer and the seven deadly sins. i think it's getting to the part where they find a supposedly dead body, but it turns out to be a severely tortured man. i'ma change the channel because this part creeps the HELL out of me. *changed* oh, seinfeld is on! this show cracks me up. elaine is my fave i think. she's just so rediculous. :)

*sigh* i think i'm gonna attempt sleep once more.

i hope mr. sandman finds his way out of that hazy mist...

♥c.

studystudystudy midtermzz

it is currently 8.30 in the evening. i've been studying straight since, oh, about 1.30 this afternoon. my brain feels like it's about to EXPLODE. but i guess seven straight hours of animal biology will do that to you.

the plan was to study until 10.00, when i was gonna order pizza and watch Fight Club with some peeps. but right now, i'm not feeling another hour and a half of torture. my midterm is on monday, so that still leaves all tomorrow to study. but, wait, i have a chem lab report due as well. damn. and, i have that english midterm on thursday. hmm..   meh. this jigsaw will fall into place. i'm not gonna worry too much.

well that's quite enough complaining i think. i'm excited to watch Fight Club. i've never seen. also, brad pitt is in it and that makes me happy. also, alexander's pizza makes me happy. they make damn good pizza. 

hmm what else to write about. i hear robbie williams playing in the hall. i think i like this song. it's hard to study when people are being loud and drunk in the halls. this weekend that's not me. nope. gotta study. there will be time for sweet intoxication on thursday, right after my english midterm.   :O   now they're playing "bittersweet symphony"! i love that song. 

well anyway. i really must be going. i'll put another hour in. i think i will read over Anglo-Saxon culture and the heroic code. then i will be done. it'll be lovely.

♥c.

YAY! a new procrastinating tool!

oh hai.

so i've decided to start blogging. first time ever. i've always looked at blogging as something people do who have too much time on their hands, and was just silly hogwash.

i wouldn't say that i have too much time on my hands, but i will say that i've decided to hit this up anyway. of course, i could be spending my time more wisely - studying, going to the gym... basically anything productive - but alas, i find myself sitting here, typing away, as vikki tells me, "It's four-o'clock." i love vikki. she keeps me up to date on things.

because i haven't been spending as much time lost in youtube land as i've previously found myself, of course i had to find something new to keep me away from this "productivity" nonsense. one would think that 42 subscriptions to various vloggers and viral video makers would keep anyone busy and away from the books, but lately i just haven't been feeling the rush of going to my home page to see if any of my subs have added new videos like i used to.

this blogging thing sounds interesting. it's mostly just something for me. something for me to get my thoughts down, rather than keeping them stored in this simple noggin of mine like i've always done. sort of like a journal. yes, a journal. i like that. 'cept.. it's a journal that just anyone can read.. oh well. i won't be too explicit.

yes, i think blogging will be good for me. i can get my feelings out on the table, so that they don't get in the way of my studies - much like this is right now.

that will be all for now. 

♥c.