stupid boy

let's get some shoes.

<3>

!!!

the most amazing thing happened tonight. not like anything i've ever experienced before.

i keep replaying it in my mind, and i still can't believe it happened.

it's nothing of extreme importance, trust me. i didn't find the cure for cancer.

but for me, it was a giant leap. a huge leap.

i can't stop smiling right now.

oh haiiiii!

it's been AGES, hasn't it?

TOO long, if you ask me.

i apologize for not posting anything EVER since like.... MONTHS ago!

i guess second semester of uni was somewhat HELLISH - as i know it was for some of you guys as well. it seemed like second semester was INFINITELY more piles of work and stress than the first! heavier courseloads, fifty million midterms/assignments/labs/papers/etc.etc.etc. but HEY, we got through it!

i've now been home for just over one month.

wow.

i just realized that i've been home for ONE month.

that's ONE month out of the FOUR i have before school starts again!

where did THAT go??? it seems like vacation has just begun! :\

well. i've been working at the DrugStore Pharmacy. it's been AWESOME. i'm PRACTICALLY a pharmacist now (NOT!). i'm actually a "Pharmacy Technician."  ... basically we do all the real work. we fill the perscriptions, wait on customers, get the order.. all that fun stuff. what do the actually PHARMACISTS do? that's a good question...  but whatever it is, they get paid a HECK of a lot to do it!     and that's why I want to become one. :)

ALSO! i found out the other day that all Summerside Atlantic Superstore employees get a free gym membership to the Summerside Wellness Centre!! DECENT eh? so i hit that up last night. got RIPPEDDDDD hahah... not really, but just you wait. i will be SWELLED by the end of the summer.

other than working, i really haven't been up to a whole lot. just appreciating the lack of stress, taking it easy, finding loads of more muzaks, hanging out with peeps.

OH! hopefully we're going on a road trip to HALI next weekend!!! that would be Evan, Becky, myself, and ... is that it? or are there others? i've no clue. but we'll be staying at Evan's house in Hali (which failed to get subletted for the summer, so basically Evan and his room mates all have this HOUSE that they're paying for, but not living in!) so there's one less expense we have to worry about! we'll probably go out on the town clubbing at least one of the nights, i'm hoping... then maybe go shopping?? we'll see. but i know whatever we do, it'll be LOADS of fun. :)

then we're going camping sometime in June! we haven't been camping since after graduation two summers ago. that was fun. i'm calling Cavendish National Park tomorrow to get some info. i can't wait for that! Becky is bringing G, and i'ma make Renee come too!

and EVOLVE is in July! that's in Antigonish (where i go to school). basically it's a big concert where you camp..... and mostly everyone is high. so that should be good times all around too!

wow! lots of summer plans already! i'm excited.

geeze. i'm going to have to get back into this blogging thing again! i forgot how much i enjoyed it! ....just getting all my thoughts out. it's somewhat therapeutic.

yes, i'm going to get back into this. blog at least once a week. and really, there's no excuse why i can't. i don't have school anymore, and i'm only working 32 hours a week (which is only FOUR days a week!). so yes, more blogging to come.

but enough about me! how have YOU all been! i almost feel overwhelmed on how far behind i am on all your blogs, but perhaps i'll go through and read a few of the more recent ones to catch up! i think the only person i've been talking to lately has been Karen.. and i've been following some of you on DailyBooth! oh right! DailyBooth! if you don't have a DB, hit that up. it's good times. you take one photo every day for a year (or more!). 

follow me! http://dailybooth.com/iColin i update frequently (ALMOST everyday!). and if you already have one, leave me a link to yourself in a comment so i can follow you!! it'll be good stalking times!! :D

anyway. just felt like doing a little update/catch-up/hey-how's-it-going post. more frequent posts to come!

(MAN this was a long-ass post. i promise the others won't be as long!)

♥C.

Random Listy Thing!

from becky's 100 random things list..

1. I am one of the most procrastinatory people I know.

2. Right now, there are tonnes of things I could be doing, including studying for my midterm on Friday, studying other subjects, finishing my chem lab, catching up on readings, etc etc.

3. I find that unless it's crunch time and down to the very last minute, I can't concentrate on anything for any length of time. 

4. Everytime it comes down to crunch time, I get angry at myself and say, "WHY didn't I study earlier when I had the chance?!"

5. If I don't keep myself busy, I get lazy...  and then my mind begins to wander places it shouldn't.

6. There have been numerous times this year where I have questioned why I'm actually taking the courses I'm in, and if this is really something I want to do.

7. I would love to know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life.

8. I absolutely HATE making decisions on my own. If you know me well enough, you'll know what I mean!

9. If I could have it my way, I'd hire someone to make all my important life decisions for me. :)

10. Sometimes I get so bogged down with school, that I feel like just giving up.

11. But I know that giving up is just an easy way out, and I keep telling myself that if I just keep sticking it out, it'll all be worth it in the end.

12. There are times when I get incredibly lonely, even if I'm in a room full of people.

13. When I get like this, I find myself extremely unmotivated and I stray to my computer for some sort of social contact with the world, whether it be msn, youtube, social networking sites... haha

*Note: I've realized that many of the above seem somewhat depressing! I'm generally a happy person, and certainly not depressed all the time! Let's move on to something else...*

14. Last year, I bought a bamboo plant which I named Hube (short for Hubert). Hube and babette were lovers until becky killed babette. :'(

15. I've recently become addicted to such TLC shows as Jon&Kate+8 and 17 Kids and Counting. I don't know what it is. But I love them.

16. I've always wondered what it would be like to grow up in a large family. Come to think of it, sometimes I wish I grew up in a large family!

17. Only 29 more days until Home. As MUCH as I love being away from home, out on my own at school, with friends and everything, I just get sooo tired of schoolwork all the time and sometimes just wanna go HOME. I'm excited to be home for the summer. :)

18. I'm surprised with myself at how many of these I'm coming up with!

19. I think I have OCD tendencies at times.

20. It bugs me when the volume on my TV doesn't end with a 0 or a 5 (ie: if the volume was set to 23, even if it was loud enough, I'd put it to 20 or 25).

21. I'm colour blind. Well, sort of. It's not the typical red-green colour blindness you see in most cases: I get mixed up between blue and purple, green and brown...  My friends make fun of me all the time for it. :P

22. I have an irrational fear of chairs.  ... Don't ask. hahaha

23. This actually IS therapeutic! Thanks for making me do this. :)

24. I donated blood for the second time last night! As a result (coupled with an insane lack of sleep of course), I'm extremely tired today!

25. I wish I could figure out why I can never get to sleep before 1 or 2 in the morning most nights. Then I'm so tired the next day, but then once late evening / night hits again, I'm super awake! Vicious cycle, it is!

26. I HATE shaving. One of my all time pet peeves. I leave it as long as possible until my face begins to look like it's growing a new species of fungus on it before I'll shave it.

27. I consider myself Athiest (I think?), and yet I still like to go to church with my family. Go figure that one out..

28. Clearly I'm not as fast at this as Becky is. She had like... at least 50 within a half hour!

29. I'd like to experience love. Which leads me to...

30. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find love. I try to keep hope, but it gets hard sometimes!

31. Secretly (not anymore I guess!), and on rare occasions, I'll catch myself watching eye makeup how-to videos on youtube. You know the ones - usually about eight minutes long, with a humungous eye staring at you through the screen while some girl cakes her face with the stuff...        DON'T JUDGE ME!

32. I should also note that I have absolutely no desire to actually WEAR makeup! I just find it interesting okay?? hahah

33. I value each and every friendship I have, and I don't think I'd be who I am without you.

34. This past February has been the single most hardest month I've ever experienced.

35. I still think about you almost everyday and love you very very much.

36. Up until last month, I think I had forgotten just how much family means to me. 

37. I have an insanely wide taste in music. If you look through my iTunes, you'll find anything from alt rock to indie pop, 80's synth to hip-hop, and almost anything in between. 

38. It bugs me when I say something, but the other person doesn't seem to acknowledge that I've spoken.

39. I think I skipped the whole "rebellious teenager" phase when I was growing up, and saved it for later (as in... last year?)

40. The thought of having to tell my mom that thing about me literally turns my stomach upside down. Hopefully, with time, that'll change. 

41. I'm easily-persuaded. I'll try to stay stubborn for as long as I can, but eventually I'll end up giving up and going along with it.

42. I'll never forget the meaning of this number! (If only I knew the question.......)

43. There are times that, if I could have things my way, I would have music playing every minute of every day. But other times, I like complete silence. All depends on the mood I suppose.

44. Everytime I look up at my calendar and see "I just at the sticker! ♥b." or "Psst....Narnia isn't here." I chuckle a little bit. :)

45. Sometimes I wish I was born.... errr... "differently" than the way I am. It just seems like life would be SO much easier and I'd be more content with myself.

46. It makes me so sad whenever my friends are down. I feel so bad, and many times, so helpless because sometimes there's really nothing I can do.

47. Maybe I'll mail those gifts off those gifts that are sitting over there someday (I certainly hope so!)

48. I never once drank in high school. 

49. I can be a surprisingly jealous person at times. Even just the small things. But I get over it easy. :)

50. Clearly I don't know myself as much as I thought I did! However, I know I'll end up thinking of something else that would belong on this list, so I'll probably come on here every now and then and update it!

51. I love you all too :)

52. I find myself, subconsciously, constantly seeking the approval of others.

the garden that you planted...

...remains.

you were one of a kind. 

a meek and mild man; so selfless and caring for others.

you are one of the kindest people i will have ever met in my life, i'm sure.

you were the wise owl,

always having an explaination or solution for something.

you are one of the smartest people i will have ever met in my life, i'm certain.

you did the best you could,

with what little you had.

you helped raise five wonderful children

who grew up to be amazing people,

because of you.

you've made such an impact on so many lives.

bringing a smile to someone's day.

helping out others in need.

always showing your immense generosity.

that garden you planted -

the mark you've left on so many people - 

still remains.

you may be gone,

yet you still exist in so many ways

in the people you have touched with your presence.

i love you, grampie, and i'll miss you very very much.

♥C.

tonight: franz ferdinand

i was perusing through my iTunes library, and i noticed that a lot of my songs have incorrect or missing album names and artword. so of course i let my obsessive compulsive side get the better of me, and spent a couple of hours going through, finding the correct album names and searching for the corresponding album artwork.

i stumbled across one of the mix cd's evan made for me (i think it was the original songs for drunkie.) wayyy back in gr.12 (wayyy back? that shouldn't seem like such a long time ago, but for some reason it does..). one of these songs was "The Dark of the Matinee" by Franz Ferdinand.

i was intrigued.

i listened to it.

i realized that, except for this one song, i had NO Franz Ferdinand on my computer! i remembered how much i LOVED Franz Ferdinand way back when, and that i used to have a whole bunch on my old iPod and on our computer back at home, but i guess i had forgotten about them when i got my lappy before first year of uni.

so obviously my next move was to go to the hub and steal bunches from teh interwebs, rather than buying the actual albums! HAH! who buys albums anymore? ... i do sometimes. hardly ever. but when i like a band enough, i'll go buy their album and feel very good about it. anyway. i went and got their two albums, and i noticed on iTunes that they had a new single out! weird! i clicked on it, and it brought me to a page showing an unreleased album. it was called "Tonight: Franz Ferdinand." i looked, and it said: Expected Release Date: Jan. 27, 2009. eek! i was vurry excited. 

i got their single, "Ulysses" and had a good listen to it. it sounded very promising, and i 

got even more excited about the fact that they were finally releasing a new album, after almost four years! i'm hoping that, even though i only live in little Antigonish (which is basically a small university town, as i may have mentioned before, that's in the middle of bumfuck nowhere), that our trusty Wal-Mart will be carrying a few copies next week. AHH! that's next week?! ah! that's in three days! even more excitement! ALSO. i'm donating blood again on monday! woo! next week is going to be sweet! ... probably making up for the fact that the following week is going to be HELL. but i'm not going to worry about right about now! :D

YAY!

oh. i thought i'd leave a track listing of the mix cd i mentioned earlier that evan made for me. it was the very first (of many!) mix cds that he made for me! and it has not since lost its lustre one bit! i still love listening to it. :)  

• All That I Need - Blind Melon

• This Lamb Sells Condos - Final Fantasy

• The Boogie Monster - Gnarls Barkley

• The Dusty-Foot Philosopher - K'Naan

• The Dark of the Matinee - Franz Ferdinand

• Pablo Picasso - David Bowie

• Maggie M'Gill - The Doors

• Indestructible Sam - Buck 65

• Comfort Eagle - Cake

• No Wow - The Kills

• Inside and Out - Feist

• He Lied About Death - Stars

• Windsurfing Nation - Broken Social Scene

• Shine a Light - Wolf Parade

• Gore Veil - The Deadly Snakes

• Supa Doopa - LesGeorgesLeningrad

• She's Good for Business - MSTRKRFT

this is a really fun mix of lots of different kinds of music. i recommend that you check some (or all!) of this out!

bye! i'ma get back to my  franz ferdinand frenzy. :)

♥C.

just checking in!

'tis been a busy week! assignments, quizzes, labs and the like. ... let alone trying to fit in other things like, you know.. EATING, and... EXERCISE.

phew! i'm so glad it's finally over though! and, other than the random drunken girls out in the hall "singing" (questionable..) ABBA at the top of their lungs, it's been a relatively quiet evening. i decided to just take it easy this weekend - maybe catch up on some sleep. :) 

i guess i just thought i'd come and "check in" as i've gotten sooo behind on reading all of you lovely peoples' blogs this week (i cnt grmr?)! i think i will get back into my prison break frenzy. i'm almost done of season two! Freaking KYLE got me hooked on the darn show. he'd been after me for the longest while to download the seasons off the hub, and so of course i gave in. and finally over christmas break i started watching a couple of episodes...

and then (of course) i was hooked. great. the last thing i needed was another tv show to be watching! anyway. there were a couple of days were i sat and watched COUNTLESS episodes, back to back.. hours at a time. i just couldn't stop. but- but- but it's just sooo good!

so i got back to school, and basically the whole first week i put studying on the backburner and concentrated on this tv show. the past couple of weeks i've been picking away at season two (the show is currently on its fourth season, starting up again in april) and now i'm finally almost finished!!

oh my. that needn't've been such a lengthy story (yay for multiple contractions!! ... of the grammical variety of course). i could go back and cut some of that out. ...just cut it right outta there. but i'm not going to bother with that. i'm just going to go finish season two. and maybe, JUST MAYBE, i'll get to sleep before 2. ...pending on whether or not people are still being drunken fools by that time.

no matter. i'd be one of them too any other weekend. (okay, i'm not THAT much of a drinker, but you know what i mean)

i also realized i need to blog more. well, not so much of a "need" per say. but maybe more "involved" in our little blog'n community? yes. i need to become more involved! yeah! that's it! YEAH!

... i'm going to go watch PB now. bye!

♥C.

p.s.: did you love my excess use of quotation marks and parenthesis? i know i sure did! :D

i love tea and tea loves me!

not tinne in particular. but, i'm sure i love her TOO. and maybe she'll love me back!!!

but that's beside the point. 

becky came over this weekend! for mah b-day. i was sooo happy she came! good times were had.

we got trashed (mostly becky) saturday night. basically we had various kinds of alcohol just chill'n in our stomachs. this included: vodka, tequila(the main event), bailey's, mANGo rum... uhh, i think that was it. but then we went to the pub. MY FIRST TIME EVA! i was a little too excited about it i think. but hey, as of 12:00 saturday night, i was no long a fucking fetus! i could now go out to the pub with everyone when pub outings occurred. it was a HUGE accomplishment to me! (PS: in case it's different where you live, legal drinking age here is 19. just throwin that out there)

anyway...

back to the original story!

while becky was here, we decided to buy tea, because ... well i'm not sure why we decided that actually. i guess maybe just because buying tea is an all around good idea? also, i wanted to learn to like tea. and up until now, i've not. i realized it's been due to the fact that i've been trying all the wrong kinds of tea, and should have just started with regular orange pekoe! so. we got back to my room from the blistering cold and made some tea. with two sugars (stolen from meal hall of course. FUNNY STORY. we were in meal hall, and i decided that i needed sugar for my tea, so i went to the coffee station, and when no people were looking, i pocketed about three hundred million [give or take a few thousand] packets of sugar. now i'm all set, sugar-wise!). and then, i drank it. and i LOVED IT!

but that wasn't even the original story! it was just a cover for the fact that becky came to visit me for the weekend. HAH! i got you! ... but i was sad to see you leave on the acadian, but i know you had to go back to the island eventually. after all, you couldn't stay here forever, as you only brought three outfits!

oh. here's some pictures from my sloshy birthday festivities (thieved from Sam of course :P)! enjoy!

we're all set!

lick the salt...

bite the lemon...

lemon faces! (maybe i'm not a fan of the taste..)

enjoy that sweet taste!

(or if you were me, you'd think the taste was equivalent to that of "dirty cunts!")

shot # .... uhh, i lost count!

all in all, it was a lovely weekend that i got to spend with a lovely girl. thanks for coming out. and remember, next year, i'll have a double bed, so it'll suck less! :D

and now, here i am, drinking tea out of a styrofoam cup. it's all good. :)

♥C.

oh that thing that everyone's doing..! leave yo name!

...why won't it let me copy and paste this?!

hmm.. no matter. i'll just TYPE IT ALL OUT!  :\

hokay:

Leave your name in a comment, and:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.

3. I'll pick a food substance to throw at you in the school cafeteria.

4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.

5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.

6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.

8. I'll tell you my favourite thing(s) about you!

9. If you play, you GOTTA do one of these on your blog. (You just gotta!)

YAY! ok.... GO!

Becky! :) :)

1. You play Zelda and World of Warcraft, which is unfathomable to me.

2. There are many songs I can think of, but the best one would have to be "Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll" by The Killers, as that is one of your favourite songs of LIFE, and I think of you everytime I hear it. :)   A movie, would have to be Pride and Prejudice (no need for explanation lololol).

3. Probs some rum balls (unless I eat them all first..)

4. EIGHTDASHBRACKET.    oh! and ;;secret.loveAffair//on.theHammock::

5. Well apparently we played in the Ghetto when we were chill'uns, though i do not recall that.. but other than knowing who you were, as i'd gone to school with you since gr.1, i suppose gr.10 would be the first real memory. Remember when you sat in front of me in english writing with the pedophile? .. And then the unvitation to your b-day... and then things just went from there. :)

6. Something warm (because you're a furnace) and furry. Hmm... well I think of becky, and I think of.... KOALA BEAR! ... Most likely because i love koala bears and i love you!

7. Why bother with those thoughts? You're too much of an amazing person to have that!

8. This is a hard question. I have so many favourite things about you. You're always there, you always listen, you always make me feel better when i'm down, you're always so much fun, you straighten mah hurr, you're an amazing artist/photographer, you're a neighbourhoo watch/creep (errr, wait. wut? .....) ... I LO'E YOU!

Sam!

1. You have two mommies! haha, but not like THAT.. one's actually your old babysitter. But she's still your second mommy :)

2. Hmm... well, remember that one time, with "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry?! I would have to pick that one. 'Twas a good time! :P    Movieeee... would be Fight Club because you're just so totally BADASS, and you have the ability to push me in the snow banks on the way to B-hop in a single bound!

3. Cherry yogurt! MMMM!!

4. The decapitation of poor little Snicker-doodle!! :'(       ... RIP.

5. When you, Arianna, and I watched House on her computer during Frosh Week! hahah.. I think that's really the very first I remember of you

6. A...... MOUSE!! I don't even know WHY. It's the first thing that comes to mind! Either that, or an elephant, because of that stuffed elephant in your room I always play with when i'm there :P

7. Why won't the man of your dreams realize what a sweet chick you are?!

8. You always make me feel better when I'm sad. ALWAYS! You look out for others, and sometimes don't leave enough for yourself! You're just an awesome person altogether, and don't even realize how amazing you really are!

kirsj.™!

1. You went out with that one person in gr.10 HAHA. It's ok, I went out with one of those in gr.10 too! 

2. I'm thinking "21st Century Life" by Sam Sparrow, because he's awesome, and you're awesome, and we both love his gay music! Movie.... DEFF LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Deff. Deaf? .. I am sometimes... NVM. But yes. That movie, I think you'll understand.

3. A hamburger(meat) on a whole wheat bun(flour), and a knife+cuttingboard(emo!). ...d'you get it?

4. Green=Estelle, Red=Gertrude, Yellow=Coco, Black=Donatello, Purpe=Satan   ... (yes i still have that on my desk)

5. *Passes kirsj.™ randomly in the hallway in gr.10* "Pff... fag!"  JUST KIDDINGGG! Well, other than you just being there in the lobby with peeps i was with too, probably good times in gr.12 chem with Beth Peters and the HAITCH-too-oh, and at Becky's parties.

6. A giraffe. I do not know why. I now have this image in my head of you sticking up a gigantic neck and cautiously ripping some leaves off a tree. kirsj.™ is giraffe (roll the 'r' in there, i can't).

7. WHY IS SHE WEARING A FAT SUIT???!!!???

8. You're so artistic. In everything you do! You look at everything with such an interesting (artistic!) point of view. I'd love to be HALF as creative as you. Oh, and you're also one of the funniest people I know! Tonnes of LOLs are had when you're around. :)

(minus brittanny to the left)...sooo drunk! :)

e.van&

1.  There are lots of random facts about you! Hmm.. How 'bout, you, for some unbeknownst reason to me, love Tom Waits. And, while I appreciate that, I can NOT figure that out.

2. :\ oh my. there are too many! However, the first one that came to mind was "I Am The Walrus" by, of course, The Beatles. SIS Band trips! You had that "mp3 player" thing that was new to me, but it played music. ANYWAY. Yes. So that song, because pretty much the whole time we were on the bus, we listened to Beatles songs on that thing. :) And I loved it.

Movie? Hmm.. Well, Coffee & Cigarettes comes to mind. Mostly because for YEARS you had mentioned that we needed to watch it. Then we did. And I absolutely LOVED it. Hey! We should watch that again sometime!

3. An unsauced, deepfried chicken wing, which I would proceed to throw at you, with the aid of a pair of thongs(/tongs), thus propelling the chicken wing at a higher velocity, causing its trajectory to travel to 

your back, at the perfect angle such that it bounces up and hits you in the face.

4. I had a pie.

5. *Gr.7 Math Class* Evan: "Look at this new Macy Gray cd I got! Macy Gray is so awesome. Oh look! It has that word SEX in it! See, right here! :O" Me: "Oh... cool.. haha. :)"  And then you ate lunch with "us" ... and "Hey, big spender! Spennnd a little TIME with me!"  :D ... and ... oh my, so many more, but that's where it all started. [AY Leadership conference: *lady shoves skeleton hand down her blouse*]

6. A Gorilla. Hmm. I don't know why. You're not wild and beastly like a gorilla, but you just seem like a kind, gentle, gorilla-type. Maybe I'll think of  a legit reason some other time. Or a better animal for that matter!

7. How do you get enjoyment out of his music?!

8. You're just a whole bunch of awesome contained in one person. You're so talented in so many different ways. You're absolutely hilarious. We go wayyy back, and sooo many mmrs. tx for those! -P.Coulson

CarrRole

1. You know that one little Frenglish(/Acadian?) folk song... which is amazing. And we always torture you to sing it! 

2. PROBABLY "Love Story" by effing Taylor Swift, because no thanks to YOU, I'm like... hooked now! UGHhh.. haha

A movie would be ... something along the lines of a documentary on the Wild Acadian. 

3. I would throw some French Fries at you. Because I would find that very funny. :)

4. Studying in the SUB just does not work! And (same day) "Oh I have to read this gospel thing now! Jesus CHROIST!"

5. *first day of gr.12, lunch. becky brings this RANDOM from her history class.* me[in my head]: "oh-em-geee! a new girl!" And then you were always there, and at becky's parties and such! ^.^

6. A mouse. A French mouse, of course. Ratatoille anyone (but in mouse form!)? Or, was he even French?? It took place in France, didn't it? So.. i'm just assuming... WHATEVER. You just look like a cute little mouse I think. And. You're tiny. :P

7. Can I hav' yo numba? Can I hav' it?? (Seriously though, we never hang out!)

8. You're just so fun to be around. You throw those random lines in there that fill the whole room with laughter. You're a good listener. And you're just a whole lotta "cool beanz!" :)

waiting.

lonely, am i

sitting here

waiting

for you to come along.

my heart pours

my eyes leak

why must you be so out of reach?

the drug that i need,

that sweet heroin -

causing gratuitous withdrawl

when will i find you?

marley&me

i just got back from the movies... or the "cinema" as some might call it. i watched marley & me. you know, that one about the dog, with owen wilson and jennifer aniston.

the movie was pretty good all throughout, funny and cute and all that.. and then at the end it was HELLAsad. but like.. the kind of sad that makes it really good. oh my! i've never actually cried while watching a movie up until tonight. of course, i've gotten the welling-up of the eyes, and the tightness in the throat before; but at the end of this movie, i couldn't keep my cheeks dry, and i had to fight hard against my facial muscles so that I didn't actually look like i was BAWLING MY EYES OUT  ...so i'm guessing i looked like i really needed to use the bathroom.. really, really bad... or something to that effect. ANYWAY, it was just, so sad, and i cried.. which i don't do often (lololol).

(THIEVED from "NyXta" on DeviantArt)

so then after i drove kara home, i was heading back home, and i was just in one of those moods. those ones where you just stare off and think. IDK, the HELLAsadness of the movie made me do it. but it wasn't like GAHHH I'M SO DEPRESSED! it was more like... hmm, i'm thinking about a lot of things. so rather than taking the normal route home, i took a bit of a detour. 

actually, i took a BIG detour. like, adding at least an extra half hour to my what-would-be 5- to 10-minute commute.

it was really foggy. it's been foggy all day here. and it was just really pretty. the glow of the street lights and passing cars. there was just this gentle ambience about it all. it fostered perfect conditions for thinking.

so that's what i did. i thought. it's something i haven't been doing a lot of lately, what with the hustle and bustle of the holidays.. and wHatnot. i just thought about a whole bunch of things. pondering this and that. it was actually really nice. of course, i tried not to get to tangled up in my thoughts, for i still had a motorized vehicle to pay attention to, as to avoid ending up in a ditch or sommat.

it was just a really nice drive. :)

i must try to have more of these - if i can get my hands on my own car someday.

i think i will go read Twilight now (..yes. i've jumped the Twilight bandwagon... WUT), and then slumber.

g'night. :)

♥C.

PS: i hope you all had a wonderful christmas slash other holidays you may have celebrated (ie: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.)!

i'm home!!

actually i've been home since about 9 o'clock last night, but whatev.

i've actually never been so happy to be home in my life!
this past set of exams has absolutely KILLED me. but i got through them, and i'm home now :)

OMGGGGG. so, since i had my last exam yesterday (which, i may add, was my hardest one), i haven't had ANY time to work on the blog'n christmas gifts! :( i have something put together as of now, and i'm still going to pick up a few things, but it just sucks because i never really got a chance to put whole lot of thought into these gifts. and my gifts totally PALE in comparison to some of your guys'. stupid exams running until the 17th of december :\

oh well. i mean, i'm sure between everyone else's gifts that you'll be receiving, mine will fit in somewhere. :)


in other news...
.......
i can't remember the other news! AHH!
last night (at like 2.00AM) i was like... OH! i need to blog about this! and now i can't even remember what it was.
OH WELL! i don't have school right now, so whenever i think of it, i can blog it whenever i please! :D

hmm.. i may remember it later today, then post it... IDK.
(or maybe i won't remember it at all, maybe it's just a figment of my imagination... my brain is totally fried from two weeks of NONstop studying anyways...)

anyways, i must get going. i have to have these gifts ready by later today so that we can finally mail them off! eek! i'm so excited!



♥C.

tag, i'm it!

i dun gone get tagged by beckyyyy!

Rules: Answer all of the questions with a word that begins with the same latter that either your name, blogger ID, or blog name begins with.

1. What is your name: Colin

2. A 4-letter word: coin

3. A boy's name: Cedric

4. A girl's name: Courtney

5. An occupation: CIA Agent SPY

6. A colour: cyan (heck, what do i know, i'm colour blind!)

7. Something you wear: cardigan

8. A beverage: cream soda (seaman's, of course)

9. A food: choco-chip cookies! :)

10. Something found in the bathroom: comb.

11. A place: CANADA!

12. A reason for being late: car accident (minor, of course) 

13. Something you shout: CRAZY DRIVER! (at the person causing the car accident, making me late for class)

and now i taggggggggggg: kirsj.™(even though he's currently in NB), Sam, and Carrrrrole!

dear santa,

karen had the perfect idea for the holiday season of having a BLOG'N CHRISTMAS! we write five small things, and five big things that we want, and exchange gifts! and later we're having a skype/stickam love fest! :D    i can't wait!

i've been a very good boy this year. my five small things and five big things are below. i know it's a lot, but please do the best you can!

five small things:

• coins/small change from your country

• any piece of art that you made (ie: drawing/painting/doodle...) to put on my wall

• either a mix CD OR a list of songs that you recommend i check out

• a special note [preferably handwritten :)] from you to me. it can be anything from a "hi, how are you?" to a "these are a few things about me that you didn't already know!" ... anything! it's up to you :)

• any sort of otherwise useless trinket. i like trinkets, of any kind. what defines a trinket? idk.. just something you think is trinket-esque.

five big things:

• reassurance

• confidence

• acceptance

• love

• guidance

thanks, santa!

♥,C.

PS: sorry it's so late!!!!

note to self..

BLOG'N TOMORROW night

slash maybe friday

(wishlist will be posted!)

it'll be soon i promise!!!!!1

:: cuz i dun want no robocop. ur movin like a robocop. 

    when did you become a robocop? now i dun need no robocop.

♥C.

silhouette.

...whatever.

i don't even care.

(why should i?)

i just don't know.

i don't know what to do. //

(how should you?)

why must things be like this?

(so confusing, these thoughts.)

too much. too much. too much.

too much. too much.

too much.

(can we just get it over with?)

have you got it in you??!!

the question is: do i have it in ME???

maybe i'll just hide until it's all over. stealth mode for me. 

i'm quite good at that, really. 

i'll become all haggard-like. and i will live off bread crusts and whatever else i can lay my hands on.

i will remain in hiding so that they do not find me.

(for that would by my inevitable fate)

stop looking at me! you'll never find me anyway. what's the use?

trust me: i'm not worth it.

i'm merely a silhouette. 

(i'd better make that last lamp post well worth it..)

please, don't make this harder than it already is.

this is not what i planned. at all.

get me out of here.

i'll find my way back down. eventually.

whatever. there's nothing left to salvage anyway..

Goodnight! :)

♥C.

maybe i'll live in a cardboard box..

recent events have left me wondering where i'm going to be living next year...

originally, i was going to be living in a house with e&b and probably one other person. that would have been great! and fun times would have been had. i was really looking forward to it! but then, for some reason still unbeknownst to me, that plan backfired. 

disappointment and confusion ensued.

but it was ok. not all was lost. i was invited to live with the b&k couple, along with two other hets. at first, i liked the idea. i mean, i was living off campus, in a house, with friends. great! but then i got to thinking. all these people were hets - heterosexual guys at that, except for brittany. she's not a guy. but at least two of these guys are quite homophobic from what i can tell, and the other one, i'm not so sure. 

i got to thinking of how much a dilemma this would cause for me, because, to my knowledge, none of these people know i'm gay. in addition, although i come off as a pretty "straight" guy (so i've been told) i have this stupid tendency to act even more straight when i'm around straight guys. i'm not completely sure why i do this, but i think it has something to do with my fear of rejection, the fear that if they knew i was gay they wouldn't want to be around me. this is a dilemma for me because i know that if i lived with these people for the whole year, i'd never get to be myself. i'd be acting "straight colin" as i've done many a time before.

i'd never get to be myself, and i know i'd end up feeling terribly oppressed (too strong a word? idk.) i debated in my head what would be the better thing to do: just suck it up and just live with these people, and hope that it wouldn't be so bad; or apply for Governor's Hall (single-room residence for upper years), which would involve running the risk of not even getting accepted. although i flipped back and forth, i think i eventually settled on sucking it up, and living with the hets.

but then, all of a sudden the other two hets got girlfriends! just, outta nowhurr. this would now mean that in addition to the brittany&kyle, the other two would be couples as well! ... and then colin. i thought, "oh, PERFECT!" i've already seen a couple of my friends go through being single whilst living in a house with a bunch of cute couples.     = SUXXORZ.

whatever. i was still prepared to just suck it up and hope for the best..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH! of course that wouldn't work out either! because brittany decided that she was going to apply for pharmacy school (after your second year of your B.Sc. you can apply to get into pharmacy, rather than doing your four full years of your B.Sc.)! now, i'm happy for her and everything - don't get me wrong. she seemed to be really interested in it, and i'm glad she finally found something she'd like to do. but this just means that my plans backfire yet AGAIN. because if she leaves, then kyle leaves with her, and then the whole plan falls apart, because there's no way i'd just live with the other two couples well - i hardly know them!

GAHHHHH!!!

i'm just a lil frustrated is all.    and panicking because i have no idea where i'm going to live next year. i'm just wishing things would work out in my favour, for once.

so i've decided that i'm just going to live in a cardboard box: cheap, reliable, and i don't have to worry about it ditching on me.

(but what if it blows away one stormy night?)

then i'm completely effed.

oh well. i have faith that things will fall into place. it would be NICE to have a roof over my head, but if not, then that just means less expenses on top of tuition! :D

♥C.

it's been a while...

...since we've last seen each other.

i had an awesome weekend!

Evan came over and we chill'd. we listened to music, we talked about things, we reminisced, and we had a funeral.

there really isn't very much to do to keep oneself and/or one's company busy in the 'nish, but we made the most out of it and i know i had a great time.

i'm excited to go to Hali in the new year, once i'm finally 19! and we can go club'n and such. and i'll meet your awesome (artsy, NONscience) friends. and i'll get to see a side of Hali my eyes have never layed on.

and becky will come visit me in the new year also! for my birthday weekend. i'm vurry excited for that too. and maybe you'll come here next year?! =)

after the week of HELL last week, things are a little less stressful this week. i have some things coming up that are due, and that damn lab exam on saturday...    

but it'll all get done when the time comes.

ALSO. i jumped aboard the Baroness train. although i did not legitamately buy a copy of this amazing album by Sarah Slean, i enjoy every single track nonetheless. each song captivates you in one way or another, whether it's the soulful "Goodnight Trouble" or the mystical "Shadowland" with its overpowering harmonies. The Baroness truly portrays a lot of emotion with a resilient voice. 

AND! The Killers' new album, Day and Age comes out tomorrow!!! much excitement. i'm hoping that even in anti-go-nowhere, the trusty Wal-Mart will carry it on the actual date of release.

with such promising singles such as "Human" and "Spaceman", this album looks like it has shaped up to be another solid installment.

i love The Killers.

and Brandon Flowers.

and his voice.

and his...    FACE.

but i think that is all for now...

oh if only my trouble would take flight, sarah slean.

♥C.

i'm just sayin..

that i'm a little intoxicated at the moment.

it's not the first time.. don't even worry.

but.. i was supposed to go to the library this evening, and be productive, but instead i decided to go get trashed with some friends. 

at first i was like.... ok, this is a problem. you're calling me at 4.30 in the afternoon, and you're already more than half in the bag, not to mention the fact that you've been drinking since 2.30 when your chem midterm was over. but then i was like.. what the hell, i honestly don't think i would have gotten that much work done anyway...

so i went, and hesitantly had a few victory shots with them. a few turned into... many. and many turned into drinking from 4.30 until almost 2:00 in the AM. 

not constant drinking of course. what, d'you think i'm an alcoholic?

pfft! no!

we went, and frolicked in the field, and chill'd in the bleachers, and hid in underneath the bushes/trees, and generally just had a good, intoxicated time. not to mention the INSANEawesome photos that were taken in the progress of these events.

it was a really great time, and i'm really glad that i have these grass stains on my pants and hands, rather than missing out on an exciting evening analyzing the population trends of duckweed. AMEN? .. i think so.

also, i told you guys that certain little thing. i still, to this moment, cannot believe i told you. i almost did, that one time.. last year. but i didn't.

and i'm SO much more comfortable with that now, and it just sort of... came out.

in a sense.

by the way.. i would just like to point out that i am currently still drunk, and do you actually see that many typos and spelling errors?

i think not.

as i've drunkenly told a lot of you - i know - i'm an excellent typist when i'm drunk and i take a great amount of pride in that.

jokes all around.

have a good day

(while i'm hungover and regret the pouring of bad chemicalz into my body).

♥C.

who will drive my soul?

i'm guessing it's not going to be you, but that's ok

i guess.

thanks to a certain little kettle, i finally know the name and artist of this song i've been waking up to in the mornings. i lo'e it. thanks, carole. :)

midterms are FINALLY done. actually, i finished on monday, but i just figured i would announce it now. better now then never, right? ... but whatever. all i have ahead of me presently are projects, assignments, papers(actually, just one - i'm an effing science student!) and the like. shit, that formal lab report for ecology is going to be a TASK. i think i will start that tonight. it's gonna be one busy weekend. but that's not such a bad thing, i suppose. keeping oneself busy keeps oneself's thoughts distracted and off of a certain one person.

oh, i rediscovered how awesome metric is! i kinda... forgot about them. then, the other day i stumbled across them in myTunes, and listened to their albums, and was captivated once again.

emily haines makes my life complete.

when she was seven years old 

she saw a man get shot, but 

no one came for a long time because it happened in a 

remote parking lot

in las vegas and

she was

waiting for her mom to come back from workin the

black jack table at the

circus circus casino and

that night, her mom said that the two of them and the now dead guy

were the only three people who ever really lived in las vegas

everybody else

just arrived,

ate their complementary shrimp cocktail

and left.

no, i cannot write so eloquently as she can. though i certainly wish i could. but do you remember that one time, in the parking lot, with those spanish chill'uns?

doing dishes dries out my hands real bad. i think i'm going to the library tonight. yup, spending a friday evening at the library. what fun. but sometimes it's gotta be done. but hey, at least i don't have any studying to do! 

and also, i'm going to see a play tomorrow, put on by Theatre Antigonish (for those of you who don't know, Antigonish is the small, middle-of-bum-fuck-nowhere town in which the university i attend is located, affectionately called "Anti-go-nowhere," "the 'nish," and others i'm sure). it's going to be lots of fun. i can see the Theatre Antigonish building from my window - it's right across the parking lot. i've walked passed it many a time, but had just never gone to see one of the plays. but i am tomorrow, a'ight?

in the attempt of writing about something meaningful, i just sat here and typed out any random thought that popped into my brain, so i do apologize for how vapid(proper context??... whatever, i'm not an arts student) this is. 

but you did bitch at me to make a new post, so that's what i did.

i only aim to please.

lolololol

♥C.

ps: be strong. i know it's hard, but you can get through this.

i know you can. :)